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Ask Aunt Steph is a bi-monthly advice column by Stephanie Baffone, LPCMH, NCC, a licensed, board-certified mental health therapist, freelance writer and beloved aunt to 40 nieces and nephews.
Following in the footsteps of her paternal grandmother, the former neighborhood consigliera (advisor) she is often found holding court with family, friends and clients seeking advice on life, love and loss. “Aunt Steph” lends her talents to answer reader’s questions, too.
Q Dear Aunt Steph: Our daughter is in middle school and frequently runs up against “mean” girls. We encourage her to reach out, play sports and participate in other social affairs when she is invited. No matter how much she tries though, she generally comes home in tears. People tell us we shouldn’t get so upset over the way she is treated because dealing with mean girls is common at her age. Common or not, our daughter is beside herself and so are we. Are we overreacting? Is this just a normal rite of passage?
A When my own nieces run up against this behavior it infuriates me! Just because certain behaviors are common does not make them acceptable. Bullying in any form is not a “normal rite of passage.” Guess who else agrees? – The American Academy of Pediatrics. In 2009 they issued a new policy statement urging its pediatricians to team up with parents and schools to advocate more actively for kids in the prevention and treatment of bullying. I strongly encourage you to contact the school guidance counselor for support. In the meantime, tell your daughter the bad behavior of her peers is about their insecurities—not hers. For more information, check out Stopbullyingnow.com, Hardygirlshealthywomen.com and Beatbullying.com. To those who think you are overreacting ask them to keep this in mind: While it is rare, some kids kill themselves over this type of behavior.
Q Dear Aunt Steph: My husband and I are struggling with infertility. We’ve been married for five years and have tried everything with no luck. Most of our friends and family are having babies with no trouble while we are still sitting on the sidelines. A few weeks ago, I just couldn’t bring myself to attend my sister-in-law’s baby shower because I cry so easily. I declined the invitation and sent a gift. Now she isn’t speaking to me and my husband’s family says I should have sucked it up and gone. Did I do the right thing?
A Absolutely. If you find it too painful to attend baby themed events, stay home. Infertility is an agonizing and uncertain journey riddled with grief. You have the right to lick your wounds privately. It’s unfortunate your sadness and her joy collided but her joy in no way trumps your sorrow. I wish you all the best. I’ve been there myself.
Got a question for Aunt Steph?Email questions to Stephanie@StephanieBaffone.com or write to Ask Aunt Steph, PO Box 9972, Newark, DE 19714. Follow Stephanie on Facebook, Twitter or visit StephanieBaffone.com.
Ask Aunt Steph is a bi-monthly advice column by Stephanie Baffone, LPCMH, NCC, a licensed, board-certified mental health therapist, freelance writer and beloved aunt to 40 nieces and nephews.
Following in the footsteps of her paternal grandmother, the former neighborhood consigliera (advisor) she is often found holding court with family, friends and clients seeking advice on life, love and loss. “Aunt Steph” lends her talents to answer reader’s questions, too.
Q Dear Aunt Steph: Our daughter is in middle school and frequently runs up against “mean” girls. We encourage her to reach out, play sports and participate in other social affairs when she is invited. No matter how much she tries though, she generally comes home in tears. People tell us we shouldn’t get so upset over the way she is treated because dealing with mean girls is common at her age. Common or not, our daughter is beside herself and so are we. Are we overreacting? Is this just a normal rite of passage?
A When my own nieces run up against this behavior it infuriates me! Just because certain behaviors are common does not make them acceptable. Bullying in any form is not a “normal rite of passage.” Guess who else agrees? – The American Academy of Pediatrics. In 2009 they issued a new policy statement urging its pediatricians to team up with parents and schools to advocate more actively for kids in the prevention and treatment of bullying. I strongly encourage you to contact the school guidance counselor for support. In the meantime, tell your daughter the bad behavior of her peers is about their insecurities—not hers. For more information, check out Stopbullyingnow.com, Hardygirlshealthywomen.com and Beatbullying.com. To those who think you are overreacting ask them to keep this in mind: While it is rare, some kids kill themselves over this type of behavior.
Q Dear Aunt Steph: My husband and I are struggling with infertility. We’ve been married for five years and have tried everything with no luck. Most of our friends and family are having babies with no trouble while we are still sitting on the sidelines. A few weeks ago, I just couldn’t bring myself to attend my sister-in-law’s baby shower because I cry so easily. I declined the invitation and sent a gift. Now she isn’t speaking to me and my husband’s family says I should have sucked it up and gone. Did I do the right thing?
A Absolutely. If you find it too painful to attend baby themed events, stay home. Infertility is an agonizing and uncertain journey riddled with grief. You have the right to lick your wounds privately. It’s unfortunate your sadness and her joy collided but her joy in no way trumps your sorrow. I wish you all the best. I’ve been there myself.
Got a question for Aunt Steph?Email questions to Stephanie@StephanieBaffone.com or write to Ask Aunt Steph, PO Box 9972, Newark, DE 19714. Follow Stephanie on Facebook, Twitter or visit StephanieBaffone.com.
