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Ask Aunt Steph is a bi-monthly advice column by Stephanie Baffone, LPCMH, NCC, a licensed, board-certified mental health therapist, freelance writer and beloved aunt to 41 nieces and nephews.
Following in the footsteps of her paternal grandmother, the former neighborhood consigliera (advisor) she is often found holding court with family, friends and clients seeking advice on life, love and loss. “Aunt Steph” lends her talents to answer reader’s questions, too.
Q Dear Aunt Steph: I really need some guidance. My husband’s elderly father committed suicide nine months ago. Riddled with guilt and overwhelmed with grief, I’m worried my husband is showing signs of a depressed mood, withdrawing from social activities and compulsively eating. It’s hard enough that he’s lost his dad, but the way that his father died is compounding his grief. I really don’t know how best to support him. I don’t think he would agree to see a professional grief counselor so I’m the proxy. What is the best way for me to help? – Seeking Help
A Dear Seeking: When a loved one dies it is hard enough, but when the cause of death is suicide it adds additional challenges to the grief process. I understand your concern that on his own, your husband might not go for help. In my line of work, that’s not unusual. If that’s the case, set up an appointment with someone who specializes in supporting survivors of suicide for the two of you. Ask him to go under the guise of helping you learn how you can best support him. Often when a family member won’t seek help for himself or herself, they will go under the guise of helping someone else. At this point it doesn’t matter how he gets to the help. His prolonged withdrawal and compulsive eating tell me it’s time to seek professional guidance. The best thing you can do is to lead him there. I wish both of you peace.
Q Dear Aunt Steph: My boyfriend and I are twenty-six years old. We’ve been dating a little over a year now and he refuses to post that we are in a relationship on Facebook, despite the fact I’ve asked him to do so. Do you think I should be worried that he won’t make our relationship “Facebook official?” – Worried
Ask Aunt Steph is a bi-monthly advice column by Stephanie Baffone, LPCMH, NCC, a licensed, board-certified mental health therapist, freelance writer and beloved aunt to 41 nieces and nephews.
Following in the footsteps of her paternal grandmother, the former neighborhood consigliera (advisor) she is often found holding court with family, friends and clients seeking advice on life, love and loss. “Aunt Steph” lends her talents to answer reader’s questions, too.
Q Dear Aunt Steph: I really need some guidance. My husband’s elderly father committed suicide nine months ago. Riddled with guilt and overwhelmed with grief, I’m worried my husband is showing signs of a depressed mood, withdrawing from social activities and compulsively eating. It’s hard enough that he’s lost his dad, but the way that his father died is compounding his grief. I really don’t know how best to support him. I don’t think he would agree to see a professional grief counselor so I’m the proxy. What is the best way for me to help? – Seeking Help
A Dear Seeking: When a loved one dies it is hard enough, but when the cause of death is suicide it adds additional challenges to the grief process. I understand your concern that on his own, your husband might not go for help. In my line of work, that’s not unusual. If that’s the case, set up an appointment with someone who specializes in supporting survivors of suicide for the two of you. Ask him to go under the guise of helping you learn how you can best support him. Often when a family member won’t seek help for himself or herself, they will go under the guise of helping someone else. At this point it doesn’t matter how he gets to the help. His prolonged withdrawal and compulsive eating tell me it’s time to seek professional guidance. The best thing you can do is to lead him there. I wish both of you peace.
Q Dear Aunt Steph: My boyfriend and I are twenty-six years old. We’ve been dating a little over a year now and he refuses to post that we are in a relationship on Facebook, despite the fact I’ve asked him to do so. Do you think I should be worried that he won’t make our relationship “Facebook official?” – Worried
A Dear Worried:Early on in every relationship, our partners leave us clues about who they are. If being “Facebook official” is important to you and he can’t provide a reasonable explanation as to why he won’t oblige your request, see that clue for what it is—quite possibly an indication he’s just not that into you or at the very least, he’s not big on compromise. I find his refusal suspicious and encourage you to ask yourself, honestly, if this is really the guy for you.
Got a question for Aunt Steph? Email her at Stephanie@StephanieBaffone.com, write to: Ask Aunt Steph, PO Box 9972, Newark, DE 19714 or join the conversations on Facebook, Twitteror StephanieBaffone.com
